Welcome to my blog!

A blog about our busy family with two amazing kids, one of whom happens to have Down syndrome!

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Me vs He

I had the day off today, so I woke up around 2pm, took the kids to get ice cream and headed off to church. Greg was bike riding with a friend- perfect day for it!

We had a guest speaker today. Phil Vischer, the creator of Veggie Tales! His story was not one I expected to hear. After putting tons of hard work into his dream, he went bankrupt. Google him. Seriously.

He started off the talk saying that everybody has a "dream". He talked about how putting our personal dream ahead of all else isn't really the way to go. The talk was titled Me vs He, about how our dreams may overshadow what God wants for us. And we may have to give it up to reach the ultimate plan God has for us.

It might have been the most powerful talk I've heard.

He talked about dreams we might have...being a millionaire, owning a huge home, having a healthy child. When he said that I immediately teared up and felt like he was talking directly to me.

When we found out that Lauren had Down syndrome when I was pregnant I was devastated. When we found out she needed open heart surgery I was angry. See, having a healthy daughter wasn't just my dream. I felt it was owed to me. Afterall, I did everything "right". I married my high school sweetheart, started a family after we were married, went back to school to support my family, attended church regularly. I held up my end of the bargain and God didn't. We'd had our kids early so we could retire early, be "empty nesters" early. I was angry. I was hurt. I was so confused on how He could let this happen to me. I truly went through each stage of grief.

My dream of a healthy child truly overshadowed the Lord's plan for our family. I couldn't see it at the time because my heart was clouded in grief, I was drowning.

Greg and I talked about it over dinner today. God's plans for our family are so incredibly amazing, we could've never dreamed up this life. These children. This girl.

Lauren came at a time where we needed her. She was a salve for a rocky marriage. She was the personification of everything we feared and everything we needed.

I am so thankful that we relied on the faith we share that shaped our beliefs on abortion. Lauren would always have been born, there was never another option for us. She is such a huge part of our family, we didn't know it at the time but we were waiting on her to complete us.

My heart is happy.



Monday, June 9, 2014

Things I feared the most

I realized today that some of the very things I feared the most about Lauren have become her greatest treasures in my eyes.

I was so afraid that her slanted eyes would look so different from mine. Truth is that her eyes are a bright vivid blue with gorgeous Brushfield spots. They look nothing like mine but they are absolutely beautiful.

I was terrified that her tongue would stick out. When she smiles her tongue comes just past her teeth, her eyes light up and I would swear she glows.

I was sad that she'd probably walk late. She just started walking this week at almost 2 and a half. We are ecstatic! I can't imagine being happier if she'd done it earlier, what would it even matter?

I wanted to know immediately if she'd go to a special school or if she'd be able to be in school with her brother. She is going to a special education preschool, but her brother will be in a program at the same school. They'll ride the school bus home together.

I was so afraid of being "that family". Different. We are different. And I don't mind at all. Lauren draws people to her, mostly in a good way. She makes people smile left and right and we often have people stop to share stories with us about their own loved ones with Down syndrome. She makes friends wherever we go. There is no blending in with Lauren Hope! And the few times we've felt judged or stared at in a not-so-nice way, we brush it off and feel so lucky that we got her and they didn't.

I was afraid I'd never get to experience what it was like to really have a daughter. Ha. Lauren is all things girl- sugar, spice, everything nice. Add in some snips, snails, puppy dog tails, and a big helping of diva. I don't picture her teenage years being any different. Is it crazy that I want to have arguments about boys, clothes, makeup, friends and homework? Because I do. (Please remind me of this in about 12 years).

I'm finding that Down syndrome isn't scary. It isn't something I spend my life wishing away. Most days I am honestly so thankful that our Lauren is so special. Because she is. I can't explain it. If you've met her, you know. I'm not sure why I have been trusted to be her mom but I'm damn sure I'll try my hardest to be worthy.

I accept her for who she is. Abilities. Disabilities. It's all the same to me. I think most Down syndrome parents will tell you that at one point they were sure that their child would be the smartest, most advanced child with Down syndrome that ever lived. I know I did. But Lauren's not, and that's okay.

She has a couple signs. She says a handful of words. She just started walking (holding onto one hand) and two and a half. She doesn't know her colors. She doesn't know how to count, to say her ABC's.... On paper she's honestly not much to write home about. But her soul radiates love, hope and joy. Her smile can light up a room. Her personality can bring sunshine on the cloudiest of days. Her eyes show a soul filled with all things great. She is Lauren Hope. And I'm so glad she's mine.


Sunday, June 8, 2014

HUGE NEWS!!!

Lauren walked!!!

She can walk now just holding onto one person's hand!!!

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Long time no update!!

I haven't had time to write anything in months. Life is crazy here!

We had Lauren's IEP for preschool. She'll be getting PT weekly (unless she walks before school starts) and speech 3x a week! Plus they have picture boards in the classroom for her to point at and they'll continue to sign with her. It makes me feel SO much better that she'll have three ways to communicate with her teachers and classmates.

Ryan will be going to the same school! It's our district's "head start" (I think) and it's luckily house at the special ed preschool. I am so so happy that my kids will be at the same school!! I'll drop them off in the morning and they'll take the bus home together. How cute is that?! I was worried about them going to the same high school...kind of getting ahead of myself. And now they're going to the same preschool! It's 4 days a week, they'll get home around noon. What the heck am I supposed to do in the mornings?! Oh yeah, sleep.

Lauren is sooo close to walking. She's cruising on the furniture like a champ, she'll even go from one piece of furniture to another without sitting down. She walks with her push toy like she invented the idea. And she now will walk (when she feels like it) holding both of our hands! That stereotype about people with Down syndrome being stubborn? Yeah, she proves it true. But some of that might come from Grandma Pam.

I do have some sad news. Our sweet Maizy pup has passed away. It was horrible, she was only 2 years old. She was so sick and I am so glad she's not suffering, but I miss her so much every day.

By a twist of fate, divine intervention or dumb luck, we ended up with a new dog who happens to be one of Maizy's puppies! When we met Maizy she was pregnant....with Sky.

Sky is 11 months old and FULL of energy, excitement and craziness. She's getting spayed in 2 weeks and my sister suggested that it might benefit us all if they did a lobotomy at the same time. LOL!

Life is nuts here, I'm looking forward to the schedule-free laziness of summer. It will be nice to have a break before we're throw into a busy schedule of "real school" and the schedules that go along with it! I really miss blogging, maybe I'll even have some time to get back to writing.

Me and Lauren. I love that she still loves the Ergo!

Ryan and Aunt Kristen!

The Three Muskateers
 
Meet Sky! This will probably be the only picture you'll ever see of her sitting still.
 
See? They do like each other. I told them to do this.
 
Lauren's Easter dress!

Ryan/Batman at the Easter egg hunt at our church!
 
Ryan at our family Easter celebration! Isn't he just so handsome?!
 
And last, but not least...The cutest couple you've ever met. Us!

Sunday, March 30, 2014

The last 2 months: photo highlights

This post is mostly a photo dump. I can't believe I haven't blogged in 2 months!!

 Everyone's favorite dog, Maizy!

 Lauren was not impressed with her new shoes. I think they're growing on her.

Ryan finally getting to play outside!
 
Everyone's favorite dog, Clifford!

And to think I was afraid she wouldn't be able to open her own birthday presents!

Proof that they actually do like each other (sometimes).

2nd birthday cake!
 
The best looking couple around.

Doesn't everyone brush their teeth this close to the dog?

I'm baaaaack!

I haven't updated in forever. Largely because my Blogger app crapped out on me and I can no longer blog from my iPhone. Oh the horror!

Girlfriend is two now! She's the cutest little toddler around. She's cruising on the furniture, she can walk sideways and forward (if she feels like it) while holding onto both of my hands. Some times she gets really excited and has to sit down to clap for herself after about 3 seconds. She's also started singing (total nonsense, but with a tune) whenever we sing to her. She can now sign more, eat, drink, apple, spider, dog and she waves hi and bye. She also says a handful of words and will occasionally bust out with a couple of words strung together. She told me happy birthday last week, no joke!

She starts preschool in the fall! (What?!) I'm excited because I think she'll love it but panicked because it's 4 (half) days a week. I'm still kind of in denial.

We celebrated her 2nd heart-day on Saturday! She had her heart surgery 2 years ago, it's so hard to believe. At the time it felt like she'd never get better. And today you'd never ever know she was so sick. We are so incredibly blessed!

Ryan is a crazy 4 year old and SO much fun. Today he finally got to take a coat-free walk outside without the risk of frostbite. He's loving school and asks to go every day. Lately he and Lauren have been so sweet with each other, it's so amazing to watch. And obviously Jesus, my adorable baby nephew most often known as "Baby Cousin" makes almost daily appearances at our house. The best part is that by late September, the cousin brood will grow by two more kids. Both of my sisters are pregnant!!!





It feels great to be back to the blogging world!

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

It's almost birthday time!

I've started planning Lauren's 2nd birthday party!!

What?! 

I can't even believe she's almost 2! We're having a little party at my amazing in-laws' house. I can't wait to pick out decorations. And I'm pretty sure a girl needs a new dress for her 2nd birthday :)


She's seeing physical medicine and rehab tomorrow. It's known as our area's Down syndrome clinic and the doctor has a son with Down syndrome! I'm excited to hear their recommendations. What we actually decide to do is largely based on what our medical insurance will cover. Out of pocket costs for therapy is craaaazy when insurance doesn't cover any of it. Lauren's Medicaid coverage ends on Friday. 

I'll update after our visit :)